Insanely Faithful

So it's been a minute sinced I've last blogged. I'm working on investing in a laptop or computer that I can use at home-that's on my prayer list. Monday (Sept.29th) was truly a beaking point for me. My transmission went out in my only means of transportation, my '78 Grand Marquis. I was devasted as I struggled with getting to my part time job, not to mention taking my kids to school the upcoming week. After a failed negotiating attempt with my 'ex to use the van, my mind felt like it had been bruised, you know one of those deep tissue bruises? Not to mention my mental state was damn near on the verge of comoplete melt down.

So on Monday when I called Tina to tell her I thought I was going crazy. I literally meant it. Not the type of crazy that would hurt myself or my kids. But the type of mental state when you feel like the ceiling and all four walls are closing in on you so tightly that you can't breathe and because they are moving so slow you start to breath quick, short breaths. You momentarily forget how it felt to be happy, to be at peace, because in the right here, the right now-all the things that were stable in your life is being knocked out of order and you just don't have it in you to pray...because at that moment I felt like God wasn't listening, like He was punishing me, like He was distant b/c I wasn't seeing Him work.

It wasn't until I was at the 2nd car dealership of the day, when I made my requests boldly to God. I poured out my truth to him. The true way I felt, the true things I ached for, the true sincerity of a sinner saved by GRACE who refused to except what the world was willing to give me. It was about 2 minutes after this prayer that I was told to go out to the lot and pick the vehicle I wanted. Just as elementary as that. I thanked God for what he'd recently done in my life and also shared with Him my hurt with being in my current situation and then came my declaration. I declared my trust in Him and made my requests specific. I was sure that I would not leave the same way I came as a broken soul. It was within 2 minutes that God turned my test into a TESTIMONY.


Thank you God, for having enough faith in me that I would pass this test. I may be weary, weak, and even a lil wacky, but I'm yet still standing as an example of what God will do, when we acknowledge Him for who He is and trust that He will act in our favor.


Goodnight/morning,

Bonita Sista