I Did It.

I did it. I filed my divorce papers. Talk about a weight being lifted as I crawl to my next goal. It's been a long time, too long of a time coming. These past months have whizzed by with the quickness and now, as I have the stamped paperwork with case number and all in hand, I dread that these upcoming months will not be as forgiving.

When I left the district clerk's office, it felt like I'd broken another link from my change of dependency. I stood on the steps of the building and took perhaps the deepest breath I've ever dared and smiled to myself, "I'm not suppose to be here". I mean, by statistics, I'm not suppose to be a single, mom of four, with one full time and one part time gig, living on my own, paying my own bills, driving my own ride-but I am. I may be tired, broke, on the edge of a nervous breakdown-but I'm still here. I'm still standing (however wobbly). I'm still believing (in God) and most importantly I'm still loving (myself).

Sometimes we dare not go against the grain or choose the most difficult choice in life for fear of failure. I didn't say no to marriage-for fear I would not be successful on my own. I didn't say no to moving-for fear that I would miss out on something better. Get the picture?

It wasn't until I said no to an emotionally, financially, sexually abusive relationship that I could start saying yes to learning to love myself. It wasn't until I said no to fear that I was able to receive the blessings that God had engraved upon my life before I was humanly conceived.

I can truthfully say that I'm a testimony in that when you feel you have nothing else, you still have God and that my Beloved is all we need most often. It does feel good to have others in your corner, rallying behind goals you face, but for real-at the end of the day the single most important thing that matters is God is still God.